Being Famous
by The Silent Insomniac
Summary: Two-shot, post-02. Tailmon strikes a conversation with Taichi on his plans for the future when she ends up telling a story, over beer, of her experiences with raving fans. It's not so easy being famous...
1. Being Famous part I

**Pre-chapter notes:  
><strong>

[1] Hi again! After typing the 19th chapter for my main fic, I got hit by the drive to make **another one-shot**. Well... it waaaaaaaaaas intended to be a one-shot. But I liked the introductory scene so much, I decided to change it into a two-shot fic.

[2] Capped at just a little bit higher than 3000 words. Tailmon's the main character for this one, and it's in first person POV! This takes place during an undetermined time between July and December 2004, just two years after the BelialVamdemon battle. Everything that happens here, like in _Rude Awakening_ (my first one-shot featuring Daisuke and Chibimon), is directly tied to the events/backstory of my fic. There WILL be references, but nothing significant enough to necessitate reading the main story.

[3] BTW, since I am not used to working with Tailmon or Taichi, if you see anything wrong with the way I handled their characters, please inform me ASAP through PM or review.

[4] Hope you enjoy this! All feedback are welcomed.

* * *

><p>It was official.<p>

We were celebrities. All twelve of us.

_Digimon Adventure_ was released in Japan on the first week of January 2004, chronicling the Chosen Children's struggles for survival in another world as they led a brutal fight against the forces of evil, each aided by a loyal, friendly creature that many have come to know as digital monsters—often truncated into "digimon".

"OH MY GOD THAT'S ME!" A hand suddenly jabbed the air, accidentally striking the side of my head. I let out a vicious snarl to indicate my annoyance.

"Oops, sorry Tailmon."

That was Taichi Yagami. Seventeen years old. One hand in a bowl full of popcorn and the other holding a bottle of beer with the index finger pointed at the screen.

What brought about this obscene display of immaturity?

My cerulean eyes rolled towards the LCD screen propped up four feet by a small, brown cabinet containing nothing but gaming consoles, DVD CD's, and the like. On the screen was an animated picture of a young eleven year-old clothed in blue, strutting around a forest that had a strange, exogenous ambience attached to it. Walking around in sneakers, with oversized goggles strapped to his bushy hair.

"Damn," Taichi said, taking a gulp from the bottle, awe-stricken by the sight of himself. His _younger_ self. "Who knew those artists could make me look **so effing awesome**!" His brown eyes sparkled brilliantly, turning the teenager—tempered into maturity by the very adventures he was watching on the screen this very moment—into a wide-eyed child marveling in wonder.

I shook my head at that comment. _That's because it's animé, you dolt_. Still, whoever was in charge of turning Taichi Yagami's younger self into a drawing deserved applause. All the artists had were pictures of the eight Chosen Children as kids. Taichi's famous bush-hair was just a regular afro in real life, a bit messy and wild, yet seemed to complement his face's bone structure.

We digimon partners were easier to draw since we didn't exactly develop the way our human partners did. Contrary to popular belief, our bodies _do_ grow over time, but typically digimon undergo so little physical changes as they mature, whenever you compare two pictures separated by several years, the only thought in mind would be: "they never really changed".

Hikari, my partner, had a picture on her bedside desk. It was a cute one of her, Takeru, Patamon, and of course, myself. All in one. Snapped on from an upward angle. Takeru, who decided to stop wearing his fisherman's hat since his 13th birthday this year, had my human half in his arms, donning a confident grin on his face. Hikari Yagami's head was leaning on Takeru's chest, her long hair flowing down to his waist. Eyes closed, as if reveling in the serenity of the moment.

Directly behind us, on the grass, one could easily see Patamon sitting in front of me. The camera couldn't quite catch it, but let me tell you, at the time, sweat was coming out of his pores like bullets, giving the hamster's hazel fur a disgustingly damp feel to it. Fear and determination were mixed in his eyes while the only thing that gazed back at him was me… indifferent, aloof, and well… there was a bento box for me to my left and I was hungry.

That was the day Patamon confessed his love for me.

This photograph was taken just last month, and it was obviously a private event between him and my partner. Being their digital halves and loved siblings, we were invited to the celebration by default. As usual. In other words, we were completely alone.

I suppose that had something to do with why Patamon **insisted** Takeru to let Veemon tag along during his first day as a teen. Daisuke's Veemon. I can't even remember how they managed to work this out without the Child of Miracles demanding he accompany his childish partner, but in the end, the three of them arrived at our house to pick us up.

Veemon _was_ the one who snapped that photograph. Neither Hikari nor I understood why he was finding difficulty to suppress his babyish giggles while he was up the tree preparing for the shot. Patamon kept shooting anxious and irritated glances at him but I never cared. I thought he was just as annoyed as the rest of us.

Taichi always said hindsight was 20/20. Veemon was actually watching Patamon, excited at the way the hamster's confession was turning out . Caught up in his own amusement . I realized why Patamon wanted him there to begin with the next time I watched him flap his oversized bat-like ears—wings—earwings (?) and fly towards Veemon for a quick chat, who responded with a high-five, a big grin, and a playful noogie on his small, furry head.

Set right beside _that_ picture was a photograph of Hikari, holding me, a white, long-tailed, big-eared cat, in her arms. It had been taken sometime after our battle with BelialVamdemon two years ago, in this very apartment unit. If memory serves me right, Yuuko (Hikari and Taichi's mom… and mine as well, by extension) wanted to formalize my incorporation into the Yagami family.

Mothers.

Going back to the physical development of digimon, as we mature, we do not—do NOT—change as much as humans do… or any other creature in the Real World, if I had to be technical about it. Compare the first photograph with the second one and you'd see no difference between the two as far as I'm concerned. Hikari… grew her hair long, became a little taller, and developed these curious things called "boobs".

Taichi was nudging a pink blob of flesh sitting in-between his legs. "Look," he nagged. "Look, Koromon, look."

A pair of eyelids fluttered, revealing two crimson pools that gazed sleepily at the Child of Courage. The foot-long tendrils that were Koromon's ears perked slightly, awaiting an explanation from the elder Yagami. Of all the things he could've said, the only syllable that went out Koromon's wide mouth was a groggy "huuuhh?"

Taichi took another gulp of his beer. "It's you as Greymon! My god, those artists **really** got you good!"

Why was he so impressed anyway? There's nothing special about it. It was just animation. Animé. Mere drawings could never do reality justice.

"Hey Tailmon." Taichi regarded me as he swallowed a mouthful of popcorn. "Why aren't _you_ so ecstatic about this? We're on TV." He paused. I could visualize a light bulb turning yellow next to his head. "Hikari should be—

The moment he mentioned my surrogate sister's name I acted. _You are __**not**__ dragging Hikari out of bed for this!_ It was seven in the evening, and she's dead tired from a school project she worked on for two days straight. "That's because I wanted to know how your '_Digimon Adventure_'"—sarcasm accentuated the second word. What they went through wasn't an adventure. It was a battle for survival! For purposes beyond mere fun and aimless wander. (That's what _Pokémon_ is for.)—"played out before I came in."

He cocked an eyebrow. "Tailmon, you were—

"Being raised by Vamdemon."

He released an awkward chuckle. "Oh yeah." Scratching his head, "Sorry, you've been with us for so long, I… kinda forgot." That was a forgivable mistake in my book; Taichi wasn't my partner. Simple as that.

A few minutes passed before the show finally went on a commercial break. Taichi considerately lifted Koromon from his lap and settled him down on the maroon couch before making a mad dash for the bathroom. I look at the Baby-level slumbering before me. Baby digimon sleep a lot, that's a fact.

While I waited for the commercial break to finish (and sadly, my respite from Taichi's immature exclamations with it), my mind started to wander. Why **did** we choose animation? We weren't animé characters. We were real. Us. Our human halves. Our trials and struggles. Drawing from my excellent memory, I knew for a fact Taichi never looked as "awesome" in real life the way hired artists rendered him as a kid. Agumon wasn't so cute either—he was actually terrifying. At first glance. He'll grow on you. Cross my heart.

Those who'd disagree vehemently with me (barring the digimon himself) would be met with my favorite response: how would they find a live monster that looked _just like_ a Tyrannosaurus Rex with front arms and long, sharp claws out in the open for all eyes to see?

It took a bit getting used to, I observed. During the entire first year after the BelialVamdemon battle, all the digimon in our tight-knit group of twelve had to endure all the weird stares and awkward moments from our partners' families. Well, all of us except Wormmon, Patamon, and yours truly. Patamon and I were "normal" enough for assimilation into mundane, everyday life. Wormmon graduated this gauntlet of acceptance earlier than the others did, simply because Ken introduced him (as Minomon) to his parents, Ayumi and Kiriha, a few months ahead.

But, there was also the "talking pet" barrier. It's already the year 2004. We've been living with our partners **and** their families for two years and counting! I still couldn't believe it's already been that long, yet only a few of us have actually penetrated that stupid thing. Just because we weren't humans didn't mean we acted on pure instinct alone and were devoid of emotions and reason. Whenever I hear Chibimon complaining how the Motomiyas sans Daisuke treat him like a "dumb animal" and constantly refer to him as an "it" and "pet" **until now**, or Patamon grumbling about Natsuko (Takeru's mom) always giving him factory-manufactured, chemical-laden pet food, it makes me happy—really, really happy—Yuuko and Susumu insist Agumon and I sit at the table with the rest of the family. (Off the record, I feel really bad for those two! The digimon, not my partner's parents!)

I sighed. Since people obviously had trouble accepting the fact digimon were just like humans in all **but** physiology, isn't—wasn't—live-action a better choice versus animation? The audience and everyone connected to them MUST internalize the fact digimon are real. That we are real. That some of us aren't so good to look at in real life. That some do.

I wish Hikari and I were there when they made the decision to go animated. Daisuke had let it slip it had something to do with marketing and promotion of my race's redeeming qualities. In response to that incident in America earlier this year, on the fourth of July.

The Fourth of July massacre.

The first time a digimon, along with her—or his? I couldn't be too sure—human partner, was placed as a prime suspect in the massacre of an entire clan of people. Everyone knows about it. Even Hikari is aware of the rough details, along with what we—the Twelve—had done to address it and the sole survivor, a brown-haired, fifteen-year old teenage girl scarred for life.

Everyone dealt with the Fourth of July incident and its political repercussions in their own way. Mimi, being a US resident, approached the sole survivor—her name was Lucille, she told us during one of our group picnics in the Digital World—to provide emotional support. Daisuke and Ken teamed up to beat up—or "quell", as Ichijouji keeps insisting—anyone who tries radical, usually violent methods on digimon. (This decision to exclusively work together also spawned tons of gossip... among the fans and among ourselves.)

That reminded me. I looked up at Taichi, who just returned from his stint in the bathroom with a **very placated expression** on his face. He fell naturally into the couch between me and Koromon, narrowly squishing his sleeping partner's smooth, long ears underneath his butt. "Taichi."

I was so happy the commercial break wasn't over yet. The Child of Courage gazed at me, attentive. We didn't talk very often, and whenever we did, it was often serious. "I never got to ask you, but how'd your visit to the UN House go?"

The consequent damage done by the Fourth of July incident to the immaculate image and reputation of digimon everywhere had been so strong Taichi developed an interest to pursue political science… and apply to the United Nations as an ambassador representing the Digital World. (If he actually succeeded, he would be the youngest diplomat **ever**. I'm not a fan of politics, but as far as I know, they're all conducted by a bunch of dirty, old men with equally filthy intentions.)

Taichi laughed. "Tailmon, that was _months ago_!"

My right eye twitched in annoyance. "I **know**," I hissed, my tone clearly implying I was mentally chastising myself for forgetting all about it.

"Weeeeeeelllll..." Taichi deliberately broke eye contact. "Turns out I have to go through a **ton** of tests…" He was boasting last year how his "intimate knowledge of another world and its rational monsters" would land him a diplomat position by now.

"Oh really?" I queried, unsurprised by the developments. He _obviously_ hasn't informed Susumu about this. He probably hasn't gotten around to telling the others yet, not even Hikari. I snickered. _That'll change when we go to school tomorrow. It'll spread like wildfire when I tell everyone._ (And by "everyone", I meant my fellow Chosen. We often hung out on the rooftops, away from sight and blessed with tons of privacy. We even had shade!)

"I'm being grilled **constantly** for cultural norms in the Digital World," he muttered. "Top of that, since I'm Japanese and," he puffed up his face and enacted who I presumed to be a senior ambassador or consul for the Japanese government, "'shall concurrently represent the Japanese people while speaking for intelligent extraterrestrial creatures', they're making me go through the traditional application process.

"That means long—really long—written tests, oral exams by myself and with other people, and"—a chuckle—"a bunch of more depressing crap that measures my aptitude for diplomacy. The only good thing is what'll happen **if** and **when **I pass."

"What?" I asked him. "Is there something bad for just passing?"

"I've been told **hundreds of qualified applicants** are put on an effing waiting list, and if they aren't hired by the time their waiting time expires—

"You got to do the whole thing again," I completed his sentence, understanding him in an instant. "So, if you pass the process the first time…"

My mind was working in full gear. Having grasped his situation so readily, my intuition told me my brother-by-extension had something other applicants didn't have.

"_My intimate knowledge of another world and its rational monsters are sure to make me a diplomat by September next year!"_ his bragging came back to me.

Taichi caught on to me, forming the overconfident smirk that characterized him so well. "I'll be hired **on the spot** as the UN's first ambassador for the Digital World _then_ shipped off to their HQ in New York within the next three months."

A small smile pulled my lips back slightly. "Good for you," I congratulated, speaking with genuine happiness for his own fortune.

He scratched his head, blushing. "Don't praise me just yet, Tailmon. I've got a written test on international history this weekend."

I paled. He has an exam this weekend and he's spending his free time WATCHING AN ANIMÉ SERIES? THAT FEATURES **US**? "Where the hell are your priorities?" I censured. _How egotistic could you get?_

"Shh!" he brought his index finger to his lips, cringing. "Not so loud." Taichi sighed, chugging down the remains of his bottle. "Geez, can't I have some time to wind down?"

"We'll see if you'll have 'some time to wind down' after I tell Hikari and your parents about this when we're having breakfast tomorrow."

If there was one thing Taichi, Agumon, Patamon, Chibimon, and… well… everyone who's ever had time to to know me personally despised, it was my tendency to be a supervisor. A parent. And a **strict**, tenacious one, at that.

I was raised that way. Growing up under Vamdemon's "guidance" had its merits, and that's the best I can say about him even though I detested that vampire so much I never felt sorry for him when we deleted him two years ago.

"Crap, I'm dead," he mumbled under his breath.

I heard that. "No kidding," I retorted, just as the commercial break finished and the _Digimon Adventure_ episode resumed.

When the credits started to roll (after a cliffhanger ending), Taichi rose and sauntered to the kitchen, assaulting the fridge for another bottle of beer. I heard the bottle cap pop. "Soooo," Taichi began, walking back in from the open arch in the wall that separated the living room from the kitchen, "how's your 'Tamer Training' thing going?"

"Huh?"

"You asked me about my business. My turn to ask about yours."

I coughed. This was something Hikari and I did every weekend with Takeru and Patamon, and it was our way of responding to the Fourth of July incident. After all, the population of digimon partnered to humans was exponentially rising and that was **not** good when my brethren's collective reputation was falling at the same time.

A good idea, really.

But what **I** go through practically every time was terrible! It embarrassed me to even try recalling it.

"_Just what do you see in that batpig?"_ a random voice echoed in my ears, presumably from one of my past sessions.

"You're better off asking Hikari," I attempted to dismiss him. "Of the two of us, she's the one who's **really **doing the work."

"Oh c'mon!" the elder Yagami whined. He dropped a cold can of beer—a foreign brand (and I can't read English letters well)—in my gloved paws. "Just tell me what happened last week."

"It's… something I don't want to talk about."

"Why?" pressured Taichi, curiosity seizing him like a net. "It can't be as bad as—

"It has something to do with us being famous."

His grin widened. "Interesting." I felt his hand wrap around my shoulder and pull me right beside him. Taichi's attention was focused completely on me to the point he didn't seem to notice how peacefully Koromon was sleeping beside him.

"Take a sip and let me hear what you got to say." The Chosen Child took a big gulp of the cold, refreshing, golden-hued liquid.

I sighed. Taichi was well-known for his persistence. Even if I adjourned this right now, he was bound to pester me tomorrow night and thereafter. It would interfere with his studies, as well as my own privacy. _No choice but to tell the story then._ I opened the can he gave me with one flick of my claw and guzzled a couple of mouthfuls.

"So there I was…"

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><p><strong>Post-chapter notes<strong>:

[5] The process to becoming a diplomat, as Taichi described, is actually real. Well, it _was_ real on 2004 (what a coincidence lol! You can find the source on .com/10887/What-does-it-take-to-become-an-ambassador-or-high-consular-officer). Since it's been 7 years, who knows what changed? XD


	2. Being Famous part II

**Pre-chapter notes:**

[1] Roughly 8000 words in length. Long for a second half of the two-shot.

[2] 100% Tailmon's POV. This actually got in the way of my writing and challenged me to find ways of accommodating certain events that Tailmon wasn't present to see/hear. It was really difficult and I was incessantly assailed by writer's block during the climax and denouement.

[3] Disclaimer. This fic contains elements that fit a parody. Obviously, there will be references to real life figures here. OR well, mostly one. :P

[4] Comments and feedback are welcome, of course.

* * *

><p>Taichi, what do <strong>you<strong> think of these weekend excursions?

.

.

I agree with you: it's a great way for Hikari to help us spread the good of us digimon to the public, and I also think it'll give Hikari the experience she needs to teach children younger than her.

But…

Don't tell Hikari any of this: I **dread** our weekly teaching sessions. Why, you ask?

Is that even a question? You were watching it on TV just now! Don't just stare at me like that, Taichi. I'm not kidding. That animé has caused far more trouble than it's worth. Two weeks ago, I ended up on the floor being glomped by a couple of hardcore Tailmon fans—snicker like that one more time and I swear I'm giving your number away next week.

Last week was one of the worst weekends **I** ever had. Patamon, Chibimon, and I were having a three-way conference on one of those instant message programs on your computers and as far as I can remember we all slept _really_ late. And no, that conference is **none** of your business, so you can shut your mouth now.

Hikari woke me up _four_ hours later. FOUR HOURS. That was so wrong.

She parted the curtains and let the sunlight enter the bedroom, shining its rays on me until I couldn't ignore it anymore. "Do we have to?" I recall begging her. After my firsthand experience of being sent to the floor by rabid people, I wanted my sleep to last a little bit longer.

But no. She shook her head in disapproval, saying it was my fault for staying up too late talking to friends on her computer. "And remember Tailmon," that girl even added, "What we're doing is a service to the community. Don't forget our goal here. We're trying to help other people understand digimon. You remember the vandalism popping up all over the city, right?"

I grumbled. How could I forget it? You remember that picture we saw in Shinagawa, right? A stupid caricature of a cute digimon killing people and that chilling message to destroy them before it's too late. I've never seen Miyako throw a tantrum wilder and more passionate than Daisuke, I swear. Did you know she's planning on starting her own organization next year when she hits 10th grade? Something about school policies on digimon. Looks like hanging around Hikari and Takeru got her going down their path.

Haha! True, well, if she _does_ land herself an entry-level position in government in ten years, then all the better for us, right?

Anyway, _anyway_, so where were we?

Oh yeah! So I grabbed a bottle of mango-flavored Minute Maid milk for a quick breakfast. (Sorry if that was yours, Taichi. Just ask Hikari to pay you back or something; I'm sure she wouldn't mind.) We went down the building and she took out her bike from the parking slot.

I was offered a ride in front of her, but I had to refuse. "Sorry, Hikari," I bared my sharp teeth, yawning wide. "I need the exercise to wake me up."

And wake me up it did.

If Hikari ever signed up for a bicycle race, Taichi, never**, ever **bet against her. For someone who isn't into sports and games, she cycles _really_fast. I could barely keep up with her—and that's amazing when she had to deal with waaaaaay more obstacles than I did! You know how the side roads are like on a Saturday morning—intersections, people walking all over, crossing to the main sidewalks from the bus stops, other bicycles, and the occasional car plying the side, drunkards wandering aimlessly in their reverie…

My paws were dripping with sweat when we got to the venue. The whole exercise left me panting. I was too busy licking my fur and cooling myself down to notice Hikari got a bucket of water for me until she plopped it on the school grounds.

…What?

Did you honestly think we hold our "digimon education" sessions in Lotteria like university students meeting up for project meetings?

You're kidding! Are you nuts? We can't. We, just, CAN'T.

Can't you even understand why?

Look, Taichi. Meeting in a place like that… it's too—how should I put this—it's too… ah, here we go, it's too "public".

Our high school's the best location we have at the moment. We got a roof over our heads, the custodians and security personnel appreciate our service, you feel casual working in a familiar place, and best of all, the crazy shit we usually get every week isn't so visible to pedestrians! I mean, people are still wary of digimon because of that Fourth of July thing last year, but—

What's the "crazy shit", you ask? Hold on, Taichi, just let me finish this bottle.

.

.

Aaahhhh….

Hm?

Ooh! Thanks for the second one.

.

.

Wow, this brand's **good**. Patamon ought to drink beer more often… Chibimon, too. He'll love—oh wait. Never mind. I do **not** want to know how he's gonna be _drunk_ again. The first time was crazy enough! I still remember what you and Agumon—

Yeah, I know. Something you don't want mentioned around you. Yeah, got it already! For the past few hundred times, already, ugh. Must you always be so red whenever someone talks about the victory party **THREE ****YEARS ****AGO**? I'm not Daisuke, you know. Besides, Taichi, you're talking to Hikari's partner! I'm _practically_ your sister.

Uhhhh, I **AM **assuming you get past the whole "Tailmon's a big, talking cat" part.

Okay, so there I was, walking with Hikari to our spot by the field, surrounded by trees, grass, and some benches for us to sit on. I shook my body every now and then, trying to get all the water I washed myself with out of my soft fur before we met our "students" for the week. Besides, Takeru was going to join us in a bit and the last thing I wanted was looking _dreadful_ in front of Patamon.

Hikari, in the meantime, was absorbed internalizing her lesson plan for the morning. She's got the basics down pat. First up were the basics of evolution. You know: the two Baby forms, then Child, Adult, Perfect, and Ultimate. We even had Koushirou give us pointers on how to elaborate on the multiple paths a digimon's evolution can take. I remember doing a double-take after he told us the DNA in Agumon could've had him evolve into **another**** Tailmon** if he had been raised under completely different conditions.

Haaaaay, yes Taichi, yes. It would be very funny if we could get Agumon to evolve into **me** and have a good one-on-one with Patamon. I'll pretend I didn't hear that. You're lucky Patamon's not here. He's not above sending an _Air __Shot_ at you.

I swear, you are—awwww hell, you _are_ tipsy! How much did you drink already, hmm? I don't think you should be opening another…

…you know what? Never mind. I'll continue my story, but if you do **not** remember a thing when you wake up tomorrow, it isn't my problem, got it?

Good.

Hikari always told me evolution **must** come first, because it's what freaks you humans out the most. Seeing that disbelieving glint in your eye, I **really** wonder if you're actually ready to become a diplomat—ow! You didn't have to smack me like that. I'm just telling it like it is, hmph!

After evolution, we'd go into the more elementary subjects, like **why** people get digimon, what we're all made of (Koushirou would just **love** to teach that if his audience was capable of understanding his theories), and most importantly, how the tamers can bond with their partners.

What? Could you run that question by me again?

Yeah, you heard me right. Tamers. It's a term we chose to work with, since it seems so… apt. Even Ken agreed on it. Haven't you noticed, Taichi? Everyone who gets digimon partners these days **never** get a D3 like Hikari, Takeru, Daisuke, Miyako, and Iori. They get stuck with a plain, old, blocky digivice like yours. Awww you don't have to look so offended, Taichi. If it makes you feel any better and less, uhhh, "outdated", you guys still got the Crests and all, so you oldies in the first generation have an edge above the rest of the populace.

Now that I think about it, the "International Chosen" we met on that world tour three years ago must've been _tamers_, not Chosen Children. None of them had D3's, and they **certainly** didn't have any crests assigned to them.

Okay, so there I was—will you stop saying "NO, SHEEEEEEETT" please? It's annoying.

So there I was—**TAICHI****!**

Dammit. You stupid—!

So there I was… whew. So there I was, walking with Hikari, wondering why she even bothered with a lesson plan in the first place. Didn't she know how many times we keep on getting derailed by our students? That it was pointless to even **have** a topical direction?

Yet here she was, right beside me, trying to set a structure—an organization—for our "class". Sometimes, it frightens me how she'll approach teaching young, rambunctious, snot-nosed brats. I don't even know **why** she wants to be a teacher in the first place, when Hikari's more compatible with non-profits than…

Pulling me out of my thoughts were noises of movement and faint voices from the distance assaulting my ears. Focusing on reality rather than the intangible world of my mind, I gazed straight ahead and saw our "class" stirring from their places. There were six, two of them without a partner.

I have grown accustomed to meeting people without digimon to take care of on these weekend sessions Hikari, Takeru, Patamon, and I normally host. The primary reason for their attendance was information. Sometimes they had relatives or friends with a digimon and simply wanted to know if they were dangerous or not. Others were driven by a curiosity to learn about another race of sentient beings.

Often these people welcome the idea of sharing their home with a member of a species capable of "mass destruction" on a whim, as the government and media love to emphasize. Unfortunately, there were few who were struck by paranoia and only attended the class to either cast away their fears or hype it up even more, which is likely considering crazy shit happens almost every week.

Hikari noticed the raised voices and, looking up at her students—errr, soon-to-be new friends, she waved and greeted them all. "Good morning!" she always spoke in that happy tone. "Did you have a hard time finding the place?"

To answer your question, Taichi, sometimes we get people who aren't even from the school. Some are already in their early 20's. Amazing, isn't it? Thank god for the Internet. Otherwise we couldn't have expanded from 1 to 2 people a week to as much as 7.

"No, ma'am!" exclaimed an enthusiastic child, giving my partner a stiff salute. I inspected his thin, but fit body. The only thing that kept popping back in my mind was his hair—it looked like a large digimon ran its tongue on it so many times it stuck that way. Definitely not as good-looking as yours, Taichi. Didn't even smell as nice. Blegh.

Hikari giggled. "Just call me Hikari. You don't have to do that you know. Loosen up, errr…"

"Zenjirou," the enthusiast bowed, a red hue staining his cheeks. "Zenjirou Tsurugi!" He pulled what I initially thought a dirty samurai costume someone just left on the ground. It turned out to be a digimon. "And this is Kotemon, my partnah!" Kotemon waved back at us with a kendo stick.

Glimpsing another one on the ground next to where Zenjirou scooped him up, I had a feeling he practiced kendo too. Probably sparred with his digimon on a regular basis, just by seeing how battered the two shinai were. (You _really_ think I should introduce him to Iori, Taichi?)

"W-we're from Onarimon," murmured the shy voice of Kotemon. Sometimes I wish he'd just take off his costume. That way we could see how that purple reptile looked like underneath all that armor.

"Onarimon?" I repeated, astounded. "That's _at __least_ ten kilometers from here." I whistled. "Can't believe you guys traveled all this way."

"That's nothing!" disputed this elementary-level kid, wearing a sun visor. I remember he was wearing a black shirt with a yellow cross-shaped design all over its front. He rounded his arm across the shoulder of a nerdy-looking kid. "Kenta and I came from **Shinjuku**!" He sneered, leering at Zenjirou. "I bet you spent some money going all the way from your home. We on the other hand spent nothing." He slapped the rust-colored metal of the mechanical digimon standing next to him. "All thanks to Guardromon here."

"Shucks, Kazu, it's nothing." I laughed when I saw him close his eyes and scratch that steel head in embarrassment. It really made me wonder how robot digimon could be so… organic in behavior.

My gaze fell on the pink digimon clinging onto Kenta's khaki buttonfront. If it wasn't for the Holy Ring and the icon of a heart on its tiny body, I wouldn't have known it was MarineAngemon.

Hehehe, how far lower can that jaw of yours go, Taichi?

I know it's an Ultimate-level.

"Isn't MarineAngemon an Ultimate?" I asked Kenta. "I'm surprised she's with you." I was even more surprised when he produced a tiny digivice in his hands.

"Wandered into my house and stayed there," he sheepishly explained, letting the tiny sea angel hugging and nuzzling his round head, nearly knocking his spectacles off. "Then I eventually got this for taking care of her."

"Awww," melted Hikari. "She's cute!"

Unfortunately, she couldn't talk either, communicating with whining noises her partner could somehow understand.

My ears twitched. "That's an odd way of getting a partner," someone droned. My eyes rolled to this black-haired girl whose **only** distinguishing feature was her voice. She wasn't even pinching her nose and it already had a nasal tone to it.

Hikari spoke before I could. "And who might you be?"

She looked at me with a depressed face. In fact, she had been ogling the other digimon in our group… longingly. "Call me Komo."

"Where's your partner?" I asked, regretting the question the moment the words left my muzzle. Komo turned away from me and embraced her legs, huddling in one corner a few meters away from the group. She refused to answer.

A tinnitus whined in my ears, no doubt caused by a wild squeal. I turned and saw a blond girl in an Ascot cap staring at **me** with wide eyes. I **felt** all her fanfare and excitement oozing from that creepy grin of hers and I found myself backing away. I didn't even notice the tiny Patamon hovering next to her head until she just **moved** and tackled me to the ground the way Chibimon fans normally try to hug him like a plushie.

"Homina-homina-homina, I get to finally meet you!" this barbaric female screamed in my ear, hugging me so tight I was starting to turn purple from the pressure! I was already snarling and lightly clawing at her arms but she just **wouldn****'****t**** let ****me**** go**. "You're like, my favorite digimon, EVER!"

Hikari was already trotting towards me out of concern but she was beaten to this rabid… female by her digimon. "Sonia…" a high, child-like voice similar to Veemon's called to this… this goddamn **fangirl** squeezing the life out of me. "I don't think she can breathe."

When those damn hands released me I took in deep breaths and sucked in as much as I could. Who ever knew the all-natural air could taste so good?

As soon as I felt better, I turned to the digimon that saved my life… and it turned out to be a Patamon, standing on his two hind legs, ogling me as if I still had purple spots on my cheeks. "Are you okay?" he asked me. One nod from me and he started explaining, "Y'see, Sonia here's fanatic about your animé. She's been **dying** to meet you." He let out an awkward laugh.

"Thanks," I told him. I wiped some dirt off my paws and tendered it. Sticking to formalities, "I'm Tailmon, you are…"

Not one to let my voice trail, Sonia's Patamon did a playful twirl and bowed before me. "I'm the Lord of all Patas."

I cocked my eyebrow. "So… Lord Patamon?"

Sonia grunted, "Just call 'im, LP. It'll work just as fine."

Lord Patamon fumed. "Hey!"

LP's tamer ignored him, instead leaning towards me. I backpedaled—I **really** didn't want to be hugged like that AGAIN. I feel VIOLATED every time someone I don't know seizes me with those dirty, disgusting, gaunt things you humans call—okay, I'll stop! Obsessive fans will **always** be obsessive fans. Being around one made me feel uncomfortable.

So she _examined _me like I was some lab mouse trapped in a cage. Then that… that horrid girl smiled a smirk that obviously told me it was something **I** wouldn't smile about. "You and I need a loooot of talking to do."

I vowed to get away from her as soon as I could. Seeing Hikari engaging in small talk annoyed me. Now there was no way I could get away from this Sonia.

Then this beast as tall as Agumon approached me, sending short, forlorn glances at the person Hikari was talking to. He was a furry one, like a shaggy lion. Complete with a wild mane that could compete with the hair **you** used to have, Taichi. He called himself Spadamon. Called himself a "Weapon Digimon". I looked at him once and you could tell he was geared for a fight—foot guards, gauntlets, a cuirass, and what looked like a forehead protector complete with a raised visor. All blue.

Did he talk to me? No, he didn't. But he was kept on peeking in his partner's direction, I was compelled to ask. "Are you alright?"

Spadamon twitched when he heard my voice. He was _that_ focused on his partner. "Do you… know how I could make Tetsuo happy? With me?"

I blinked. I wasn't expecting a question like _that_.

By the way! Remember that Rika girl Hikari brought here a few days ago? We first met her here. In fact, she's the last person in this informal class of ours and had been watching us this whole time, waiting for Hikari to begin teaching.

You've met her, right? The redhead with a ponytail shaped like a pineapple?

Good. Then you wouldn't be surprised when I tell you she took her place among the group and coughed **rudely** just to get my partner's attention. "Ms. Yagami," she called.

Hikari abruptly ended the conversation with Spadamon's partner and glanced at her. "Just call me Hika—

"It's already been 15 minutes. I think we've wasted enough time sitting here. Shouldn't you start teaching… whatever you're teaching?"

Talk about impatient.

Like it or not, it was time for work. I'm supposed to be there to entertain questions from either human or digimon, but most of the time I end up observing the class. Hikari **always** did the talking. So did Takeru when he was present.

So there you have it. We've got a couple of cheeky brats, a Kendo addict, a depressed kid, an obsess—_excited_ fangirl, a digimon who wants to make his partner happy, and this undignified pineapple head. It's a pretty good setup, isn't it?

Yep. You could reeaaaaaaallly tell we'd have a lot of _fun_ with that group. You know what I mean.

Will you look at that? Second bottle for the night. Could you pass me the third one over there?

Thanks.

The gist of last weekend's session: chaos broke out.

It started early into the part about evolution.

Your sister was progressing well into the six stages of digital evolution when Kazu raised his hand and piped without prompting. "Hikari, isn't this system… confusing?"

She blinked, a puzzled look glazing her features. "What? We've been working with—

Kenta spoke for him, warding her off as he adjusted his glasses. "We understand it's the convention you've been working with for such a long time, but we believe Baby I, Baby II, Child, Adult, Perfect, and Ultimate are just too confusing, you know? How about this instead: Fresh, In-Training, Rookie, Champion, Ultimate, and Mega? Doesn't that sound… more organized?"

Hikari stammered, her momentum gone. "W-well, I…"

Kazu shoved his companion. "Dude! Enough with the nerd crap!" He ogled Hikari, eyes sparkling like stars. "Digimon are **all** about combat, aren't they?"

Every digimon in the group, including myself and _their _partners, stared at the boy who just implied their only purpose for existing was death and destruction. To be a weapon. _Better__ choose __your __next __words __carefully_, I thought to myself.

He waved both his hands. "L-l-look! What I mean is, okay, so we can hang out with digimon, treat 'em as friends, talk to them about our problems, but when it comes right down to it, they help **us** fight **our** battles."

Hikari was disgusted. "You can't just—

"Did YOU defeat Apocalymon?" interjected Kazu, eyes diverting towards Kenta for a moment in hope of some support there. "Did YOU protect us from Vamdemon? Hell, were YOU the ones who stamped the Dark Spore out of Ken?"

I defended my partner with zeal. "Kid, we all fought together for peace. We risked our lives. I'm very sure—

"But who did the fighting?" cheeped Kenta, earning a thumbs up from Kazu for the assist. "It was always the _digimon_. As much as I hate to say it, you Chosen Children are just a bunch of **batteries**." As if to pacify any harbored grudges, he added: "with brains."

Taichi sit down. **SIT****. ****DOWN****.** Don't yell like that! What if you woke Hikari? What if you disturbed **our****parents**? I found it insulting, too, okay? Letting him call my Hikari a "battery" and do nothing about it wasn't easy to swallow.

Okay, Taichi, okay. You guys risked your lives for the Crests. Daisuke and the others had to earn their Digimentals and they even endangered themselves by riding us into battle. You made your point already, sheesh. I know you're incensed, but please, **stop**** rambling**.It's already been a week.

(It's strange, but for some reason, I find myself… _agreeing_ with Kenta. It's so sad—if _we_ got into trouble, our partners won't be able to bail us out…)

Huh? Nnnnnnope! I didn't say anything, Taichi. Not a word.

Besides, Kenta was quick to placate the insulted digimon before he got mauled. "Don't attack me! I'm just saying it like it is!"

"Who cares?" yelled Kazu. "Hikari, you guys still keep in touch with this… Gennai right?"

She didn't say a word, but I knew she was listening. After being insulted like that, she'd _definitely_ listen to any attempts at rectification. That's the Hikari I know.

"Kenta, Guardromon, and I devised this card game based on the animé, and some of the game mechanics have the players modifying their digimon with power-up cards. Sooooooooooo, why don't you ask him to upgrade your digivices so you can start using cards too?"

It actually _was_ a good idea, Taichi. You have to admit that.

"First, only Koushirou's in constant contact with Gennai now," my partner finally answered. "Second, you two have to realize: **battling**isn't everything. If you could reason with the enemy, you could just—

"But sometimes you just got to fight your opponent 'til he gives!" Zenjirou ejaculated, swishing his shinai. The Kendo addict turned towards his partner and attacked him with it, who blocked the weapon reflexively with his own. "Right, Kotemon?"

"Mhm!" he chirped.

Things spiraled out of control. Remember that brunette without a digimon? She finally broke down.

"WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" I swear, I have **never** seen so much water spurt out of anyone's eyes like that!

Naturally, your sister was the first on her side. "Komo, are you alright?"

"NO!"

"Why? Could you tell me why?"

She did her best to suppress her whining. "T-that's because…" Her gaze fell on me, then on every digimon in this small group. "That's because…" My ears twitched when she whimpered again. _Oh__ no__._ "That's because… mmmmmmmmm I'm jealous of you guys!

"How come **I** don't have a digimon?" Komo sobbed, her skinny arms wrapping themselves around my Hikari like a hungry snake and squeezing her tight. "I watch _Digimon __Adventure_ and _Zero__ Two_ all the time! I'm **always** reading Koushirou's blog posts about the Digital World! And I'm so fascinated with my friends' partners. So why don't I have a digimon yet?"

Kazu giggled. "Why're you even here in the first place?"

She took offense at the question and buried her face in Hikari's arms, making her blush from the awkwardness of having someone you barely know weeping her heart out.

"Errr," her voice trailed, unsure of what to say.

_My_ eyes scanned the group and saw the pineapple head sitting there, all alone, without a partner to begin with. "Komo, that girl over her doesn't have a digimon partner either."

Rika's response was curt. "Yeah, but I'm not **desperate** to have a partner. I'm just here 'cause of a passing interest on the subject."

Hikari cocked an eyebrow. "A _passing__ interest_ on digimon?"

She shrugged, staring at her with eyes you could call lifeless and dull. Devoid of emotion. Full of gloom. "It's not like I have anything else to do. I just found your group on the Internet and thought it might be a good learning experience. I mean, nobody really bothers to look after me at home…"

I didn't know it back then, but those words convinced Hikari to bring Rika to our house for some dinner. You know how your sister is when it comes to helping others.

With her attention divided, I sauntered to Komo and offered her a piece of advice. "Komo, if you really want a digimon so much, then you just have to be patient. Don't despair so much. You'll meet your partner when you're ready to have a digimon of your own, I'm sure of it!"

Unfortunately she wasn't even listening to a word I said. Instead, her eyes were _fixed_ on Spadamon, and, looking back, I'm certain that stare of hers was so powerful you could feel those eyes boring down on you. Spadamon _backed__ away_ when they made eye contact.

"Awwww," I heard her murmur. "I wish **you** were my partner. Then I could hug you aaallll day…" Her voice trailed in a way that sounded dreamy, full of yearning.

Tetsuo grumbled. "Well **you** can have him. I sure as hell don't."

Spadamon whipped his lion face to his partner and bared his teeth. "WHADDYA MEAN? I **AM** your partner and there's nothing—

"Nuh uh!" childishly protested Tetsuo. "You're not my partner."

The lion rolled his yellow eyes, giving him a sardonic reply. "Well **sorry** if I've got gray fur instead of blue, I'm not scaly, and I don't have an effing 'V' on my forehead!"

"Did you just talk about Veemon?"

They ignored me. Tetsuo huffed, "Excuse me, Spadamon, but Veemon has **neither** scales nor fur. He's actually more like a lizard. A _very_ warm-blooded and cute—

"WILL YOU GET OVER YOUR OBSESSION ALREADY?" The gray lion snapped and brandished his sword, rotating it so it'd hit its victims with the flat end. "I'm your partner, and you can't change that!" Spadamon lunged at Tetsuo, who barely dodged it and stole Zenjirou's shinai, readying a counterattack.

Hikari left Komo and tried to get in-between Tetsuo and Spadamon, but when Komo started crying again, she was rooted to the place, not knowing where to go. Neither did she notice Kazu and Kenta _vanish_ from her sight.

I had no idea what she did next, because—speaking of obsessions—this hot and sticky breath clamped down on the back of my throat. I was **trembling**—yeah, you guessed right, Taichi. It was that, that Sonia again! I just can NOT forget those eyes. They were glaring at me like she was going for the kill! She even had this **creeeeeeeepy** grin, and I thought she had fangs!

"Since everyone's distracted, I've got some questions for you." I found her giggling ominous. "A **lot** of questions." Sweat was forming on my paws again. "Soooo," my big eyes were drawn to this huge, foreboding vein throbbing on her forehead. "I heard you're together with Patamon?"

At least she was blunt and direct to the point!

What did you say?

Hell no!

HELL.

NO.

You think I'd give away details of my **intimate**, **private**** life** to some complete stranger who just happened to fall in love with me 'cause of a stupid animé? Are you stupid? The last thing I want is an effing stalker! How could you even—dammit, make fun of me one more time and we can **forget** this story and call this a night.

I'm not kidding. And sorry, but you won't get the chance tomorrow. You got that test to study for, remember? Heh, plus we've got wind from Joe about a carnival that just opened in the Digital World this week and **I **think it'll be fun for Patamon and—yes, yes you don't need to remind me only D3's can open the Gate. I **know** the other D3 holders are busy with other stuff, but that part's as good as taken care of: Chibimon told me last night Ken's taking a break from his daily patrols tomorrow so he could take Wormmon there. I was thinking of asking him if we could ride with them. Daisuke should have his number…

Don't pout like that.

Alright, here, give me another bottle and I'll continue the story, ayt?

You know, I'm surprised Agumon's sleeping through this. He's missing out. Had him play football with the younger ones, huh? Can't say I'm surprised. Those football hooligans we have for friends **really** take it seriously, 'specially when they need to vent some stress.

Thanks.

The first thing I did to get rid of that _revolting_ girl was dismiss her. "My private life's none of your business," I huffed, lifting my chin.

God she was persistent. "Well, I'm **making** it my business."

I rolled my eyes. "Get away from me."

_The __Lord __of __all __Patas_ tapped my shoulder. "I think you should, Tailmon," he murmured. "She's writing fanfiction about you guys… _hundreds_ of people read her work every weeeeeeeekkk…"

I ogled Sonia's partner. "Fanfiction? Hundreds of people? What're you talking ab—

"Haha!" Sonia's arrogant chuckles were getting to me. "That's right! You don't know this, but I'm one of the best Veegato writers on the Net!"

"Veegato?"

"She's what you call a shipper," LP filled me in. "Since you guys are celebrities and, nobody… really knows much 'bout your personal lives, people love debating over who's with who. We've got people divided between Taiora—Taichi and Sora—and Sorato—Sora and Yamato." LP's eyes thrust at his partner. "Sonia here supports Veegato—Veemon and Gatomon."

"Lord Pata, my name's _Tailmon_."

"Not in America," he corrected. "Westerners tailor foreign media to their own needs when they dub 'em… even if the final product completely trashes the original. You know _One__ Piece_?"

I shook my head. "Never heard of it. Sounds weird, but my family's not into _manga_and _animé_. Maybe Miyako has—

"Enough small talk!" Sonia shrieked like the banshee she was. Her voice was so loud I had to cover my right ear. "So, Tailmon, who're you with? Patamon or Veemon?"

I suppressed an annoyed snarl. "Does it even matter? Write whatever you"—unfortunately the way I responded ticked her off.

"'Does it even matter'?" she repeated, dumbstruck. "OF COURSE IT MATTERS!"

Sonia's hand flew towards the sky. "EVERY DIGIMON SHIPPER OUT THERE WANTS TO KNOW THE TRUTH. VEEMON OR PATAMON?"

"I could care less about them!" I shouted. Sonia wasn't just giving me the creeps. The way she was trying to invade my privacy made me snap, and that was the worst possible thing I could've done. "If all you're writing is fiction, then you can do whatever you want! You can just leave me and Patamon out of it!"

How shameful, right?

Her bubbly face turned into a frown. She _seized_ my body like I was some toy and started shaking me. "WHAAAAAATT? **NO****!**" She coughed. "P-P-PATAMON? WHAT THE EFF, just what do you see in that **batpig**?"

"'BATPIG'?"NOBODY insults my significant other _in__ front __of __me_. I swatted her hands away like a rag doll. I think my claws gave her a shallow cut but I didn't bother caring. All I saw was red. "DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT PATAMON THAT WAY!

"You have **no**** idea** how much I admire his loyalty and determination!" I snorted. "You'd never know how much fun Patamon is."

"But Veemon's all about fun!"

"DUH? Patamon and I know that—he's _our _best friend! You've never even _met _Veemon, so you wouldn't know how immature he could be." And to finish her off, I interrupted whatever she intended on using as a rebuttal. "Besides, Veemon's not even interested in a romantic relationship!"

"No way!"

"BELIEVE IT." I smashed her down like one of my most hated enemies. I would've added that Veemon was the very reason Patamon and I were together in the first place, but why bother? That would've been like rubbing salt on fresh wounds, and I'm not **that** evil.

Lord Pata flapped the bat-like wings on his ear and flew to his partner. "See, Sonia? You can't just **will **someone to pair with another. It's all about choices, compatibility, and—

"Oh shut up, you effing batpig."

A new voice throttled my ears. "YOU TAKE THAT BACK!"

We gazed at the speaker's direction and we saw Takeru Takaishi standing a few meters away, arriving just in time to hear Sonia talk. He was absolutely livid at Sonia for deriding her partner with a _very_ insulting term.

"Well if it isn't the one who stole Daisuke's girl," she leered. I forgot to mention this, but Lord Pata also told me she was a Daikari shipper. It doesn't take much to figure out who's involved in **that**, right?

Yeah, Taichi, I agree with you: what a f*cked up world we live in.

It wasn't surprising Takeru was provoked. Judging from all the sweat on his body, I guess he went through hell trying to get here as fast as he could and the first thing he heard upon arrival wasn't an intellectual discussion or some informative lectures from Hikari, but a gross derision aimed for every member of his partner's species. "That was uncalled for!"

At any rate, he was pissed. You _know_ it takes a lot to piss him off like that.

"Who cares?" She stuck her tongue out, pulled down her eyelid, and blew a raspberry. "What're **you** gonna do about it?" Sonia and I saw Takeru's fists shaking. "You gonna hit me?"

Sonia stretched her neck, flexing muscles I did **not** know she had. "Don't underestimate me 'cause I'm a girl. I've beaten up many of the boys in my class…you effing girl stealer! Tell your batpig to stay away from—

He had had enough. "AAARRRRGGGHH!" Takeru sprinted and tackled Sonia to the ground, tangling themselves in dust clouds, huffs, grunts, and one wrestling move after another. It's amazing Takeru held against her. He's not _that_ good on the ground.

"You grapple like a girl! Ha, wait 'til the FF community finds out about that!"

Lord Pata and I were just watching the two of them go at each other when _my_ Patamon flew down and landed next to us. He looked at Sonia's Patamon and greeted her with a smile I see in my dreams every night. "Hi! I'm Patamon!"

Lord Pata grinned. "I'm Patamon, too! But you can call me _Lord __Pata_!"

Before my beloved could ask the question, I retorted, "Don't ask."

"Okay," he chirped, cocking his head to the girl Takeru's fighting with. "How could you live with her? She sounds like quite the b*tch."

"Meh," Lord Pata didn't mind. "She's only like that when you get her riled up on fanfiction, _especially_ if it's Veegato."

My Patamon's eyes lit up, as if he suddenly remembered something important. Very important. "Wait a minute! **YOU****'****RE** Lord Pata?"

"Uh huh. The Lord of all Patas."

"As in **the** Lord Pata?"

"Errrr, yes?"

"I REALLY love that short story you made! About my first date?"

"You're not joking are you?"

"No way!" He twittered. "I found it cute. But… totally wrong. Listen, there's something I need to tell you about the _real_ first date…"

I swung my arms around them both. "I'm out of the loop. Just what're you talking about?" I was gawking at LP. "Can't believe you're a writer, too." Hard to believe the stubby hands Patamon had could be used for typing stories on a keyboard.

"Fanfiction! Just look yourself up on the web and you're bound to find some—

"TAILMON!"

It was Hikari.

Before I could even move, I felt her grasp the scruff of my neck and drag me away from my beloved. "What?"

By the way, Taichi, before I go on, I remember catching a glimpse of Zenjirou, Kazu, and Kenta loitering around your sister's phone. You better warn Koushirou since they probably got his num—wow, they actually CALLED you?

When?

In the same afternoon?

Wow. Just… wow.

Hey, you're not mad at me, are you?

WHAT? You're _meeting_ with them after your test this weekend?"

Unbelievable.

.

.

Okay, so there I was—Didn't I tell you to stop with the "NO SHIT" crap already?—Hikari wanted me to get between Spadamon and Tetsuo. The two were having a very intense fight and I was given the dirty job of breaking them up.

Being an Adult level, it wasn't so hard for me to do just that. I obstructed them and _kindly_ told them to stop. "Why don't you two CALM DOWN ALREADY? We're having a class here and we don't want to waste anymore time babysitting every—

"YOU!" Tetsuo charged at me. "I HATE YOU! Why'd you have to be so close to Veemon? Why're you two friends?" I was too focused on dodging his attacks instead of disarming him since I couldn't really _hurt_ the poor kid. He eventually got a lucky shot and sent a blow straight to my head.

"GODDAMMIT!" he yelled. "WHY THE F*CK DID DAISUKE HAVE TO EXIST?"

Spadamon returned to the fray. "And why the f*ck can't you accept me?"

I snarled. "I TOLD YOU TO CALM THE FU—

Hikari squeaked.

Stopping, I turned to my partner and gave her a quick examination. She was shaking from all the stress. Komo had finally been consoled, but Takeru and Sonia's grappling escalated to a fistfight on the grass. I kept hearing her obscenities and threats to "sully Takeru's and Patamon's reps" on the Internet.

I ran towards Kazu, Kenta, and Zenjirou when I saw them, hunched over someone else's things. **HIKARI****'****S ****things**. Her cellphone in their hands. "HEY! Get your hands away f—

Of course, Hikari beat me to them, stunning everyone with a wild screech that shattered my eardrums. I couldn't even believe she was capable of screaming like a wild, rabid fangirl…. But worse.

.

.

.

"**EVERYONE**** STOP****!**"

Hikari's wail was so loud it forced every activity, every crazy thing happening, to a halt.

Taichi, this scene happens every week. Believe me. And it's always different _each__time_.

My partner strolled to the three battle freaks and seized her phone from Kazu's hands, before putting it in a small bag. "You boys better STAY AWAY FROM MY STUFF!" She grabbed Kotemon's shinai and whacked Kazu in the head. "If I see you six anywhere near 'em, I'm going to **BASH**** YOUR ****HEADS ****IN**!"

Tetsuo was next to have his head attacked. I had to say, Hikari _knew_how to handle a shinai. "And you." She pointed at Spadamon's direction with the wooden sword. "Don't you even appreciate how he feels about you? GET OVER the fact you don't have Veemon for a partner! **MOVE ****ON ****WITH ****LIFE ****AND ****BE ****FRIENDS**** WITH**** SPADAMON****!**"

"B-but, I"—THACK!

"Be happy you don't have a **NUMEMON** as a partner!"

Tetsuo's face turned green at the thought.

"Besides, there isn't another Veemon in existence. Daisuke's the only one who's partnered to one, and there's nothing you can do about it."

Hikari's face contorted when she laid her lovely eyes on Takeru and that fangirl. Despite Hikari's shriek, those two were still trying to kill each other! And all Takeru wanted was an apology from Sonia. "YOU!"

Hearing her voice made the fighting pair stop. Sonia wheeled around and paled before my partner, even if she didn't have Kotemon's shinai pointed at that face of hers. "I swear, if you **ever** bash Takeru or Patamon, I swear to God I'm going to have Tailmon **hunt**** you**** down**** and**** give**** you**** a**** beating**** you****'****ll**** never**** forget**!"

She hurled the shinai at the ground. "DAMMIT! What is WRONG with you people? EVERY SINGLE EFFING WEEK I END UP DOING A GROUP PSYCHOTH—MMPH!"

Takeru had gone on and did it again. He rose from the grass and slipped a long kiss on Hikari's lips, silencing her and calming her down.

Kazu cheered them on. "WWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT! Look at 'em go!"

Sonia, that devil girl, shielded her eyes from the sight and writhed on the grass. "NO! AAAHHH MY EYES, IT BURNS, IT BUUUURRRNNNSS! YOU WILL PAY! YOU WILL PAAAAAAYY! GWAAARRGH!"

"Don't worry, Hikari!" Lord Pata tweeted, ignoring her partner's... agony. "I'll make sure Sonia doesn't do anything irrational when she gets back on her computer later. You can count on me, the _Lord of all Pata_s!"

.

.

.

We had to adjourn the weekend class an hour after that, just in time for lunch. It was one of the worst sessions Hikari ever had. Normally it wasn't _that_ crazy, I mean. We sometimes got fans, but that was the first time we had a _shipper_ in our midst.

And, Taichi, that kiss happens every week. I **promise** you. No kidding. What, you don't believe me? Well, you're free to accompany us on two weekends from now.

As we packed our bags, something compelled Takeru to comment on that class. "Boy, _that_ was a crazy one."

I grunted. "Tell me about it. This is **exactly**** why** we can't bring this out of the school yet."

Patamon landed next to me and licked my cheek… which I reciprocated. "I know," he suggested, turning to our partners. "Daisuke's dad runs a ramen store over in Aomi, doesn't he? Ask him if he could buy an office for you guys!"

"Uhhhhh, Patamon," Takeru shot him down. "Daisuke's dad _can__'__t_ just 'buy an office'. It's not the way a business is run..."

"This week wasn't productive at all," Hikari sighed. I knew where she was coming from. We couldn't even finish the lesson plan. Our "students" besieged us with their personal issues and what was supposed to be an enlightening discussion about digital monsters turned into a monstrous psychotherapy.

"Cheer up, Hikari," I moved to console her, reminding her of that _one_ girl who didn't contribute to the chaos. "At least we had one _real_ student today."

She sniffled. "Y, you mean Rika?"

My lovely hamster went straight to my aid. "Yeah! She's the only one who kept asking **me** about digimon, and if they're like what the movies said they were."

"Really?"

"Really. She's very curious about the relationship between us and humans. About the bond."

Those were _very_ good questions, considering they came from someone who didn't even have a digimon partner. Another reason why we brought her to the apartment for dinner. Glad you were there to do some answering… even though it distracted you from your _studies_.

Well… yes, one reason why we're doing this is to help others become better tamers. But I think, the most important goal is to—how do I say it—to improve human-monster relationships. Kids don't think about these kinds of things often, but if we could teach them how to properly take care of their digimon and know the basics about them, they wouldn't look at them like mindless pets or weapons.

That's how we saw it when we started this whole thing in the first place. It's a shame people often degraded it into either a group therapy or a method of meeting animé idols in the flesh.

"See, Hikari?" I said, walking over to my partner and nuzzling her. "It wasn't a total loss."

.

.

.

And that's the story. Crazy, huh?

Uhhhh…. What? You mean that night? When Hikari threw a fit in her room?

Errrrr, I don't know what you're talking about.

I am SO not turning red.

No you don't! You got nothing on me!

.

.

...I told you my story and we're done. You throw away those bottles, and I won't tell the family about your... anime addiction. Deal?

.

.

Good night.

* * *

><p>.<p>

.

_One week ago…_

Tailmon had Hikari's laptop set on the small desk on the corner of her room.

Still winding down from the terrible "class" that morning in the early hours of the evening, the Digimon of Light suddenly remembered the Chosen Children were now featured in the wonderful realm of fanfiction and, taking some cues from Lord Pata and even her beloved, ran a search on herself as key words.

A new world had been opened to the white cat. A world of fiction and art that deviated from reality and filled one's mind with wonder and awe, or disappointment and inertness, depending on the skill of the writer… or the artist.

In that same night, however, Tailmon's amazing world turned into a nightmare. Fiction describing Tailmon unceremoniously dumping Patamon for Veemonn, having a threesome with them, or acting like a wh*re and a dumb prick to her closest of friends. _What __the __hell_, she was thinking.

Crudely drawn and marvelously illustrated art alike were showing things her mind refused to acknowledge. One such picture involved Patamon, Veemon, herself, and in an appalling, breathtaking moment, _Agumon_.

It was then that she realized how disgusting people were. How many people were sick enough to be drawing these barbaric, vulgar pictures? To be playing with themselves while staring at them? Scraping only the surface of human nature, Tailmon could no longer bear it and felt lumps rising in her throat out of instinct.

An uncomfortable rise followed by awkward burping noises and nausea. "I think I'm gonna hurl!" she yelped, leaping off the chair to head for the toilet.

Hikari Yagami, her human half, coincidentally walked in to see Tailmon making her mad dash to the bathroom. Curious as to what prompted her digital half and sister to bolt from her chair, the Child of Light casually strode to the laptop left open for all to see.

Her jaw dropped.

Who the hell introduced her to… to **these**?

"TAILMON!"

* * *

><p><strong><span>Post-chapter notes:<span>**

[5] _Personally_, I think I could've done better. The way the storytelling ended was appallingly mediocre, and for some reason, I didn't laugh as much when I read the final work versus when I read my planned outline for the second half. Ugh. Probably because of the limitations of the chosen writing style.

Anyway, I'll be **really thankful** if you could leave a review for this, as I'm not used to handling stories the way I just did. I think it's already obvious in the difference between the main story and the "epilogue" you just read. It would really help improve the quality of my future one/two-shots... if and when I write some more. Unfortunately, the ideas only come as I'm writing my main fic. :P

[6] If you're curious, this two-shot was inspired by a scene in CH19 of my main story. :D

June 21, 2011 EDIT: All right. Here's the deal. I am _not_ a shipper. I despise romance fics to the core. As I've recently gotten some... let's say... "pointers" about the whole thing (aside from the wonderful and surprisingly _only _critique this story received), I feel compelled to defend myself, especially when people who would be reading future updates of my main story and any future oneshots may possibly read this and undergo emotions of anger and/or disappointment.

First, my intention with the VeeGato shipper was to use her to bash **a group of people** who become so absorbed with celebrities they wish they would have total control over who they should be with and stuff. Because the main character in this case is Tailmon, the natural choice is to go with a VeeGato shipper. Second, I wanted an allusion to Lord Pata as a way of linking this to real life. Nothing speaks of realism more than using people from the real world. Besides, I know NO OTHER shipper aside from him, which clearly emphasizes the fact I gravitate towards ORIGINAL spins on the fandom and pre-existing universes (esp. _Adventure _or _Tamers_), along with well-written rewrites. (Don't believe me on that? Check my favorites list and only a few of the Digimon stories there are driven by romance.)

Third, from a literary perspective, don't you see an irony in pairing up a mad, crazy shipper obsessed on a false sense of control with someone who is loyal to a particular ship, yet more realistic with the way they view the subject coupling? Even more so when they treat each other in respect despite getting into fights whenever the topic shifts to the one thing they fight about? Isn't this irony present in real life, where two awesome friends can be so amicable to each other yet be divided to the point of violence when their opinions clash on something they feel strongly about?

THAT is what I was trying to aim for. I have nothing against the "major ships" of the fandom and malice was never my intent. The only reason why I chose Takari in the first place was because **the developers intended for it**. I operate strictly on canon and canon-_intent. _Nothing else.

Unfortunately, the fact I have received "pointers" on top of a flame and a rather eye-opening critique means I failed to live up to my outline and thus need to be more vigilant with the quality of my work.

Something like this will not happen again._  
><em>


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